Super Saiyan Swagger/Transcript
DISCLAIMER ANDROID 19: The following is a non-profit, fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. (cut to Goku as a Super Saiyan giving Android 19 a beating, the latter being heard constantly saying "Ow." over and over again) ANDROID 20: (to Piccolo and Tien) Are you afraid...? It's okay, you know... to feel that creeping, seizing fear-- not everyone faces their deaths so openly. I'll admit, your composure is admirable... even in the face of your inevitable demise, death's gaze squarely on you. You still keep calm, cool, and-- (looks towards Android 19) Oh, for God's sake, 19, throw a f**king punch! SEQUENCE (cut to Gohan, Krillin, and Yamcha arriving at the battle) GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo, what have we missed? PICCOLO: Well, your father is currently handing the Pillsbury Doughbot its generous, white ass. ANDROID 20: Yes, well, your feeble understanding of our abilities would lead you to believe such. But 19 has yet to truly demonstrate his full killing proficiency. 19! Attack from the left! ANDROID 19: Higher. (screws up the attack and gets elbowed in the face) Ouch. (continues saying "Ow." in the background) ANDROID 20: No, my left! As I was saying... 19 is merely lulling your comrade into a false sense of security. And once we... 19, dodge! ANDROID 19: Beginning dodge protocol... (Goku knees him in the face) Ow. (continues saying "Ow." in the background) ANDROID 20: Why is dodging a subroutine? It's not that complex! (Piccolo turns around and stares at Gohan) GOHAN: What? What?! ANDROID 20: Regardless, once we've secured our vantage point, Android 19 will move in for the kill, and your precious Son Goku will feel the full sting of my vengeance! (Goku punches Android 19 in the face, who responds by saying "Ow." and gets knocked into the ground) ANDROID 20: Hmm... a moment. 19, would you stop messing around?! GOKU: (begins charging up a Kamehameha wave) Ka... Me... ANDROID 20: Oh, that's distressing...! 19, respond immediately! (Android 19 is seen standing still and staring at Goku in the sky) GOKU: Ha... Me... ANDROID 20: 19, what are you in, safe mode? Start responding this instant, before I shove my boot up your ass! ANDROID 19: Reboot completed. GOKU: HAAAAAAAAAAA! (Goku fires the Kamehameha wave, which 19 then absorbs through the energy-absorbing device in his hand) ANDROID 19: (in a deep voice) Murder.exe fully online. ANDROID 20: Oh... Bully! GOKU: (breathing heavily) Huh... Didn't seem to work. Don't worry, guys, I'll try again... Double strength! (begins charging another Kamehameha wave) Ka... Me... YAMCHA: Goku, don't! They can adsorb your energy! PICCOLO: Hold on a sec... Did you know? YAMCHA: Well, yeah... I felt it when the old man was holding me earlier. TIEN: And you couldn't have said anything before, because...? YAMCHA: Hey, give me a break...! I've already been through enough crap today, and if I wanted to be bitched at, I would've stayed with Bulma and the baby! KRILLIN: Yeah, guys, lay off him! He needs this like he needs a hole in the chest. Eh? Eh? GOKU: (off-screen) I get it! ANDROID 20: And he's got you! GOKU: (to Android 19, who's right in front of him) Oh, hey...! Can I have that energy back--? (Android 19 starts attacking him) GOHAN: Dad! GOKU: (gets knocked down to the ground by Android 19) Guys... don't wanna make a scene... but I'm pretty sure I'm dying. GOHAN: What's going on? He hasn't used that much energy! GOKU: Krillin! Senzu bean! KRILLIN: SENZU BEAN! (throws a Senzu Bean at Goku, who catches it) GOKU: Thanks, buddy! (eats Senzu bean and collapses on one knee) Oh, God, it made it worse! PICCOLO: Goku, what's wrong? GOKU: Chest hurts...! Hard to breathe...! PICCOLO: How's your arm? GOKU: Don't know; can't feel it... Is that normal...? PICCOLO: So, Goku's having a heart attack. GOHAN: Dad, you took the medicine, right? GOKU: Yeah...! Well, I mean... I started to... GOHAN: Started to-- what? You mean you stopped? Why did you stop?! GOKU: Because it was grape-flavored...! (Android 19 delivers a swift kick at Goku, knocking him away and reverting him back to his normal state) KRILLIN: Did he just knock the Super Saiyan out of him...? GOKU: Piccolo, tag in! (Piccolo moves in to help Goku, but Android 20 fires an eye beam laser through his chest, making him fall to the ground) GOKU: Gohan, tag in! (Android 19 drops onto Goku, who writhes in pain) ANDROID 20: Well, boys, I can't say it hasn't been fun. In fact, if I still had a penis, it would be quite auspicious that we are wearing baggy pants. But enough about hypothetical erections.... 19, suck him dry! KRILLIN: (off-screen) Ha ha! (Android 19 proceeds to drain Goku's energy) GOHAN: No! Dad! (everyone stops and listens as a faint repetition of "Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine" can be heard off-screen and starts growing louder) KRILLIN: Does anyone else hear that? YAMCHA: Yeah, and it's getting closer. TIEN: And it sounds an awful lot like... ANDROID 19: (gets kicked in the face and sent flying) Ouch. VEGETA: Mine. PICCOLO: (eyes fly open) And the prodigal asshole returns! GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo! PICCOLO: I wanted to wait for an opening on the androids, so I faked my injury. But now he's here. GOHAN: Wait, so you weren't actually wounded? PICCOLO: No, but I got a better question: Where was my Senzu Bean? KRILLIN: SENZU BEAN! (throws a Senzu Bean at Piccolo, which bounces off Piccolo's face and responds by giving an stern look) GOKU: (weakly) Hey, Vegeta... VEGETA: Kakarrot, you idiot, what are you doing? GOKU: Dying... mostly. Little help? (Vegeta kicks him to Piccolo's direction) Thanks, best buddy...! (gets caught by Piccolo) GOHAN: Come on, Dad. We'll get you home and give you the medicine. YAMCHA: No, let me do it! Let's be honest, if I stay, I'll probably just get in the way. TIEN: Yep. PICCOLO: Probably. GOHAN: No offense. VEGETA: Why are you even here? (shows Yamcha looking hurt from everyone's response) KRILLIN: SENZU BEAN! (throws a Senzu Bean at Yamcha, which hits him on the cheek) YAMCHA: You know what? Have fun. (flies off holding Goku over his shoulder) ANDROID 19: Primary threat escaping. 2 kilometers... 3 kilometers... VEGETA: Excuse me, but your primary threat is right here. ANDROID 19: (looks over to Goku's direction) 6 kilometers... 7 kilometers... VEGETA: Am I being ignored? ANDROID 20: Don't mind him, he's programmed to only respond to my command. 19, forget about Son Goku... we can finish him at our leisure. For now, focus on... who are you, again? ANDROID 19: Scanning... (beeps) Vegeta. Prince of all Saiyans. ANDROID 20: Oh, of course! How could I forget? 19, take care of him. ANDROID 19: Understood. VEGETA: *laughs* This is precious! You expect to beat me with this Automa-Ton Of Fun? ANDROID 19: Registering insult. (beeps) Retort: You are short and your hairline is receding. VEGETA: *chuckles* Scathing. ANDROID 20: Your confidence is noted, Vegeta... but Son Goku was able to achieve a form far beyond anything we'd ever seen before and we still beat him! And 19 has extensive knowledge of all your techniques! VEGETA: Oh, is that right? Quite the cutting edge piece of tech you got there. But I'm curious... can it feel fear? ANDROID 19: Scanning... (beeps) Processing... (buzzes) Results inconclusive. VEGETA: Let's fix that, shall we? (begins powering up undergoing a similar new transformation) ANDROID 20: Seriously, what the f**k is Namek?! (Vegeta yells and transforms into a Super Saiyan) GOHAN: But how? I thought you had to have a pure heart to become a Super Saiyan, like my dad! VEGETA: 'Oh, trust me... there's more than one way to realize the legend... ''(flashback of bloodified Vegeta with tears streaming down his eyes on some other planet) '''VEGETA: I wanna! I wanna be a Super Saiyan! I wanna! (begins pounding the ground like a spoiled child) I wanna! I wanna! I wanna! I wanna! I wanna!... (back to present) VEGETA: Push-ups, sit-ups, and plenty of juice. And besides, my heart is pure. Pure, unadulterated badass... TIEN: Yeah, more like pure, unadulterated ego. VEGETA: (off-screen) I heard that, Triclops! TIEN: (in a taunting voice) Is that okay? VEGETA: As a matter of fact, go f**k yourself! Now, where was I? (Android 19 punches him in the face) Hmm, what a shame... Looks like you just initiated your self-destruct sequence. Let me give you a countdown... Five! (kicks Android 19 in the chest so hard, his foot is seen through the android's back) ANDROID 19: (gets hit) Ouch. (gets knock away) Ow. Ow. ANDROID 20: (thinking) Did I just see his foot? VEGETA: Well, well, well... looks like I'm a size nineteen. (Android 19 gets up and rushes forward) Four! (ducks down and double kicks the android into the air) ANDROID 19: (recovers from Vegeta's attack) Ahhh! VEGETA: (appears in front of Android 19) So, have you rusted your pants, yet? (dodges an eye beam attack from the android) Three! (knocks the android to the ground with a double axe punch) ANDROID 20: (thinking) Damn it! No, don't panic... Everything will turn out dandy as long as Android 19 can grab Vegeta and steal his energy. (Vegeta lands inside the crater standing in front of the downed Android 19) VEGETA: You know, I'm sure there was an advantage to building a fat robot-- but for the life of me, I just don't see it. (Android 19 grabs Vegeta's arms) ANDROID 19: Proximity breached. Trap.exe activated. ANDROID 20: Yes! That's it, 19-- do not let go of him, no matter what! Drain him until he's a shriveled-up prune of a corpse! ANDROID 19: Parameters recognized. (tightens his grip) Grip locked. VEGETA: Locked, huh? Well, guess I'm not going anywhere for a while... (jumps up and puts his feet on Android 19's face) How's about I get a workout in? (starts pushing his feet down the android's face) That's right, I'm gonna do squats all over your face! ANDROID 19: (while his joints are heard creaking under the pressure) Initiating... energy... drain... VEGETA: Aww, how adorable! So you want my energy, then? Tell you what, take as much as you want! In exchange, I'll take your hands! Two! (rips off Android 19's hands, causing him to stmble into a wall) ANDROID 19: (as blood leaks from his dismembered arms) Error. Error. Error. Error. Error. VEGETA: So then, before I put down the clown, let's put it to bed, shall we? Do you feel fear, android? ANDROID 19: No, please. Get away. Leave me alone. (climbs out of the crater and starts running away) VEGETA: All I needed to hear. ANDROID 19: (while running away for his life) No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... VEGETA: (flies up and powers up) One. Big Bang Attack! (fire a ki blast at Android 19) ANDROID 19: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO... (The blast connects and produces a humongous explosion. Android 19's head is then seen bouncing off the ground before rolling a short distance forward.) ANDROID 19: Your 30-day trial has expired. Would you like to... purchase... Win... Rar...? KRILLIN: (off-screen) SENZU BEAN! (a Senzu Bean is seen hitting Android 19's face followed by a dog treat, which was thrown from Vegeta) VEGETA: Ah, now that we have Chuckles the Ass-Clown out of the picture, how 'bout we tend to the elderly? (looks at the ground and notices that Android 20 is gone) The f**k did he go?! SEQUENCE STINGER VEGETA: (now in his normal form) *sighs* Whatever. Baldy, pass me a Senzu Bean! KRILLIN: What, do you think I'm just giving these away? (Vegeta looks him in silent disbelief) 'Cause I'm not...